Fake it til I make it!
Does anyone else feel like an adult impostor? These days, I do. I've tried to explain this feeling to my kids to no avail. After a pretty hectic, life altering year (I’m sure many of you are in the same boat) life is not what it once was for my family - not bad or good, just different. I won’t go into the MANY details, but basically, I went from being a stay-at-home homeschooling Mom, to a working full-time homeschooling Mom and we sold our 6000sq ft home and are currently renting a MUCH smaller home. That was a huge adjustment for us all, my landlord is an asshole, and the house has a lot of problems! I’ll just mention one “small” issue: The ignitor on the stove is controlled by a random socket that no one knows what it’s connected to. It goes out all of the time. If the socket flips the flame goes out and it happens most days…grrrr. This seemingly small issue is a nightmare and I have learned we are lucky we haven't died from a fire in this house! The ceiling leaks and is falling, our water bill is $800 due to holes in the drainage which the landlord refuses to address, the pool was unusable for almost a year...I could go on.
Short version - Adulting is hard and my life feels like a shit show right now.
Please understand; I know my life is wonderful, and I am very blessed. That said, navigating this time is challenging, to say the least. I’m doing a lot of “fake it until I make it” these days. I have my Mom and extensive pageant experience (for another blog 😉) to thank for my ability to deactivate a nuclear bomb and walk into the office like nothing ever happened!
When I say I feel like I don’t know what I am doing, or I feel like an adult imposter - I mean, we are all just trying to figure it out as we go, right?
So many people look to us for answers and solutions, but at the end of the day all of our choices are just educated guesses, right? I remember thinking my Mom knew everything and was skilled at life. Now that I am a Mom, I realize I honestly feel like a little kid in a grown-up body. Anyone else? Sure, life experience has given me a certain degree of know-how, but at the end of the day, this truly feels like my first rodeo.
This topic is on my heart because a few days ago, a very sweet woman sat in my office and cried. On the outside she is beautiful, stylish, well put together, and in great shape. She’s the type you might feel intimidated by if she wasn’t so darn sweet! On social media it really looks like she’s got it together (which she truly does) but as she sat in my office crying, she said she seriously thought I had MY shit together! (Crazy how different our perspectives can be!) She expressed feeling insecure in her new job, unprepared starting a new career after having children and generally having a bad day. It’s true that starting a career at any age is difficult, but sometimes putting yourself out there after being at home with our kids can feel impossible. As she spoke, I realized she really thought I knew what I was doing in life, as a Mom and at my job! The truth is, to some degree I do actually have a clue, but it was 3 months ago that I started my new job and knew NOTHING about my industry, every single day was a lesson is futility, hustle and grit……..and don’t get me started on my guilt about going back to work. WOW. The guilt of being a working mom and letting our homeschooling fall by the wayside was tremendously overwhelming, on top of all the others stuff. These are areas I’m managing and I know so many other Moms are too!
I could not, in good conscience, let her believe I had this thing on lock-down while she sat there feeling raw and vulnerable. I proceeded to explain all of the things I mentioned above….I told her about all the things in my life feeling like they were a mess, and how I am truly just acting like I know what I am doing. It was just what she needed to hear. She looked seriously shocked and a little relieved to know she wasn’t alone.
Y'all, it is ok not know. It’s ok that trying new things is hard. It’s ok to feel stupid and ask stupid questions. It’s all ok! I’m ok, you’re ok, we are all ok, and if we aren’t now - we will be soon.
If you are reading this and you are feeling insecure about anything… please know we are all in the same boat! We are all doing our best to hold onto the reigns of the bull called life. It might be a new job, recovering after divorce, having a new baby, or even just homeschooling during a worldwide pandemic (no biggie).
Please know, if you feel like an adult imposter - you are not alone.
I am all about the “fake it till ya make it,” approach. In-fact, I think I should get an award or something, but let’s not “fake it until ya make it” all over each other, and forget that it’s ok to make mistakes and mess up! If you see another gal struggling, let her in on our little secret.
Its OK to admit none of us actually know what we are doing!
-Alison Yariger
